Why I Hate iTunes

This past weekend, I plugged my iPhone into my laptop, which I hate to do because I love my iPhone, but every time I plug it into a computer something goes horrendously wrong. I am unsure why I need to "sync" anyway, since it is a phone and therefore always on line. Can't it just like, go get the stuff it needs? I have my Google Calendar, and it updates through the web. Same with my email, obviously, and my Audible.com, and my weather and so on. I use Picassa for photos, and I fail to see why only iTunes, the Dinosaur Behemoth, must physically sync with a cable. I just don't get it. Isn't Apple supposed to be all forward-thinking and ahead of its time? Why doesn't it seem to get that plugging a cable into a device for something other than charging is an extra step?

I spent most of Sunday growling and huffing and kicking things while the latest iteration of iTunes (I swear there is a new, enormous update every time I open the sodding thing.) re-downloaded every song I own for no apparent reason. There was, as usual, no stopping it, and when it was finished, several hours later, I had, as usual, lost some songs. Also, I had gained some songs I didn't want, and I am so OCD that this bothers me. Meaning, I now need to spend some time deleting the crap it decided to "gift" me, which is inevitably by some band I have heard of only long enough to decide that I hate them. Luckily, this time, I did not have dupes of every item in my library to delete, but that, too, has happened before.

Every so often, I write to iTunes tech support kvetching, and they are very nice. They make suggestions and offer free stuff, but I just ignore them. The point of writing to them, for me, is the release of my utter and absolute fury. There isn't much that is more important to me than my groove, and I do not like having my music messed with.

I have the occasional suspicion that I may be missing something, that iTunes' architecture is not actually so terrible, that I just don't understand it. Maybe, accidentally, some setting somewhere is set to "TOXIC POISON INTENTIONAL SERIOUS MALFUNCTION EVERY SEVENTEEN SECONDS." If so, then I need help. Preferably in the form of a humble yet knowledgeable (oh, and better make her hot, or I won't pay any attention) free personal iTunes/music advisor. This person, if you know her, should contact me so that we can arrange my free instruction in how not to fuck up my groove. In case I haven't mentioned it, I am unemployed for at least the summer, so this could count towards volunteer hours, like with helping the unemployed reeducate or something. Perhaps tax-deductible? Thank you for your attention in this matter.