Today, I told my friend Everett that they must call it morning sickness, not because it only happens in the morning, but because it is the morning (as in, the instant you become conscious) when you realize that you are sick. And it is not until the next morning that you have a chance to recover. I was doing quizzes on the internet about whether I will have a boy or a girl, and one of the questions was which do you crave: meat and cheese or fruits and vegetables? Who the fuck craves fruits and vegetables?!? The only two people I can think of are Mother Theresa and Ghandi (him with all that fruitarian nonsense, and she's such a goodie-goodie), and I don't think either of them was ever pregnant. Today I craved pizza with onions and green peppers, but that doesn't count as craving vegetables. If you gave me a green pepper or an onion without the pizza, I'd just look at it. Yesterday was my first official day of morning sickness, and it is really and truly like motion sickness, no matter what you eat or don't eat, nothing matters. Everything reeks horribly, and I wonder what is wrong with people. Why are they so desperately, hopelessly, insistently self-hating that they would ON PURPOSE go without deodorant or dental visits or clean underwear and then sit in that stench, again ON PURPOSE, WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT????? And how can people drink tap water? I can barely stand to shower in it. Apparently, pregnant people have more saliva than non-pregnant people. There is a name for it. It's called "always about to puke". No, I'm kidding. It's actually called "ptyalism". They actually don't know if pregnant people produce more saliva or just have more because we're so sick we can't even swallow our own spit. Furthermore, no one has any real solution to morning sickness, but evidently it's more common and more intense than anyone expects. AND SOME WOMEN HAVE IT THE WHOLE TIME! I only had one day so far, and I am already contemplating suicide except that every possible method of offing self makes me sick to think about. I am truly not amused that the Mayo Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy thinks that merely vomiting a couple of times a day is no cause to call a doctor. It thinks I need to be vomiting several times a day with inability to hold down fluids before I bother the medical professionals. That is crazy. In what other situation does one take vomiting so in stride? If men had morning sickness, pregnancy would be like knighthood, bad breath would be a felony, and there would be places to brush one's teeth with bottled water supplies all along the streets like parking meters.