Shakespearean Comedy

In my 7th grade English class we're reading Midsummer, and I give the students summarizing and paraphrasing assignments which they have to do in class (no SparkNotes) with the footnotes in their book and a dictionary.

Before I get to the fun part of shit my students write, I must pause to discuss how I feel about teachers who dress up and dance and sing to try to get kids into Shakespeare. I do not like it. Shakespeare sells itself. All that bother is patronizing. Kids don't need a clown suit to like literature. You can't force a kid to like something, anyway. You can only get them to look at it, and then only some of the time. But if you wear a clown suit and dance, then all the kid is going to love is you--the teacher, not the text. And we all know that's wrong.

Now: here are some entertaining translations by my students, who I am proud to say, have gotten really good.

Oberon: "And Helena of Athens look thou find:
All fancy-sick she is and pale of cheer,
With sighs of love, that costs the fresh blood dear:
By some illusion see thou bring her here:
I'll charm his eyes against she do appear."

Student summary: "Helena's so love sick she can't handle it, and she's totally let herself go and looks bad like whoa, so Oberon wants to cast a spell to make her look better to whichever dude she loves. (I forget which one it is in this act.)"

Puck: "My mistress with a monster is in love. 

Near to her close and consecrated bower, 

While she was in her dull and sleeping hour, 

A crew of patches, rude mechanicals, 

That work for bread upon Athenian stalls, 

Were met together to rehearse a play."

Student paraphrase: "My queen has fallen in love with some lowlife because he and his idiotic, ghetto friends were practicing their play near her special bed, and she woke up and saw him and didn't seem to mind that he (coincidentally) had the head of a donkey." (This one lost a point because she included more information than was in the lines, which is technically not paraphrasing.)

Oberon: "Here comes my messenger. 

How now, mad spirit!

What night-rule now about this haunted grove?"

Student paraphrase: "Oh, good, it's Puck. So, you crazy kid! What's going on in this nut house?"

Oberon: "What hast thou done? thou hast mistaken quite

And laid the love-juice on some true-love's sight:

Of thy misprision must perforce ensue

Some true love turn'd and not a false turn'd true."

Student paraphrase: "You put the love juice on the wrong person, and that is bad."

Puck: "Captain of our fairy band,

Helena is here at hand;

And the youth, mistook by me,

Pleading for a lover's fee.

Shall we their fond pageant see?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!"

Student paraphrase: "My king! Helena is here. So let's watch her and her lover make a scene! These people are so stupid I can't believe it."