Adorable/annoying (aka marriage)

From my friend Ev, who is way funnier than I am.

This seems like a good time to share B's many simultaneously adorable and annoying qualities. Here is a list:

1) She sleeps rough. As in--she takes the fitted sheet off the bed when she sleeps. Sometimes she removes the pillow cases from the pillows. In her sleep! Further adorable/annoyingness is shown when she does not notice the bed has no sheet on her side. I mean, how does a person not notice a naked mattress? It is blue!

2) She does not take kindly to suggestions. Never ever. At. All. I have learned the fine art of suggesting without suggesting, and I credit her for teaching me, with tough love, this Highly Useful social skill.

3) She makes piles. Big ones. Of all sorts of shit.

4) She usually thinks she has a deadly disease for some reason or other, but is capable of remaining extremely calm when Ari is sick, even when he is puking in the double digits or having a fever of 105.

5) She is an excellent speller. (Ok, you caught me--this one is only adorable and not annoying at all.)

6) When she is grumpy, there is no ungrumping her. Just leave and come back later, if you dare.

7) She is the biggest Myriad of Contradiction I have ever met. 

       a) She seems all logical and cerebral, but she understands my feelings better than anyone. 

       b) She walks like a badass, talks like a badass, and dresses like a badass. But she is the most authentically humble person I know, and has taught me how hot that can be.

      c) She's totes funny, but only rarely, and is never silly. 

      d) She cares about other people more than any of us, but she doesn't show it, or, more precisely, she doesn't show it off.

      e) She's a super introvert, and she's totally under the radar at social events, but by the end of them she's charmed everyone by taking an interest in them. If you poll a hundred people leaving a party, they will all say they enjoyed talking to B the most, but it would seem to you that she wasn't even there.

8) When she has to get up early, she sets her alarm for an hour before she needs to get up and then snoozes many times, so that I'm woken every ten minutes. If I tell her to stop, she turns off the alarm but doesn't get up, of course necessitating me to lie awake and worry that she'll miss her run or whatever. (Caught again: this is only annoying, not adorable.)

9) She demands I leave her alone so she can work and then pouts because I haven't spent enough time talking to her.

Happy gay marriage, people. But mine is still queer, thank you very much.