Here is what I think. I should have some summer goals, so I don't spend my entire eight weeks or whatever going to the dry cleaner, getting mani/pedis, and lying around trying to motivate to do something ambitious like oh, say: watch an episode of House Hunters all in one sitting and remember it well enough to not spend 20 minutes watching it again the next day before realizing I've already seen it.
I have this chronic, semi-catatonia, see. It conflicts with the Doing of Things. Plus Ari is home with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I spend all of those days trying to get out of playing Chutes and Ladders, chasing him around pretending to be a legit parent, and trying to keep him from throwing fits. Why does he throw fits? Oh, you know. His friends are claiming he's "it" in tag, which is basically like being a leper. I refuse to take him to a restaurant for every single meal, including snack. When he does get to go he can't scream as much as he would prefer. His shoe fell off. His wormy died. I threw out his moldy leaf from the winter of 2010. The usual.
I also spend a great deal of mental energy attempting to remain in a prone or seated position for as much of this as possible. Then, I go running. All of this takes time.
The days Ari is in camp seem like they'd be long, but they aren't. I don't know what happens to them. I always mean to relax or read a book or go to the pool without child, but then I see a stain on the carpet, and I dither about whether or not to clean it. Or I check my email and decide the best use of my time is to read every word of the Gap promo because when you're tired enough, that seems sensible. By the time I've finished reading that there's a new Banana Republic promo in my inbox to read, and that takes so long (because am distracted from reading by all the pretty links) that in the end I decide to unsubscribe. Then I get started unsubscribing from all the lists, so I spend some crazy long time doing that, digging around in my gmail trash for things to unsubscribe to, and then it's time for pick up, and I'm exhausted.
Does this sound like a good or productive or memorable summer? Answer: no. Clearly, it should not happen again. So! Here are my summer goals:
1) archive smut
2) give shit away so all family is not forever tripping over useless things, nearly killing selves
3) learn to cook something (just kidding)
4) write book (should be like all other humans and believe self to be writing genius)
5) sleep (instead of just lying around complaining of being tired, but idiotically NOT SLEEPING, when I totes could)
6) do drugs (um. That's a metaphor. Right.)
7) cuddle more with child who is surely seven seconds away from NEVER CUDDLING AGAIN, according to sodding parents of older children, all of whom I hate
8) go to actual beach, instead of just dying to go
9) Water. Park.
10) run more, faster
11) attend kick-boxing class in which I do not almost puke from how freaking hard it is (i.e. get in shape)
12) Attend to all of the things.
13) make two art objects (Self does not count, no matter how fabulous my pose.)
14) stop flirting with every human being for no goddamn reason (srsly--it's so childish!)
15) keep all household plants (There's only one, so it shouldn't be that hard) alive
16) grow own salad, though technically, that is additional plants and may require adjustment to #15
The end.
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