Worms

Worm guts, smashed on a rock--I did
not do this; it is a pity and a waste!

You know about my summer goals. As usual The Buddha has given me new goals, without my consent, that were better than the originals. (I don't believe in The Buddha, but use him as a catch-all for the Biological Neuron Situation that makes us do stuff.) Anyway, so I'm not really into goals. I failed so far (and it seems unlikely) to grow my own organic salad by the end of August or whenever. But! I learned to love. Again. I obsess over my plants. Ari and I have become a two person earthworm rejuvenation project. He brings the worms and tosses them into my square foot garden. Everybody's happy. How easy is that, mother fuckers? Answer: easy. All symbiotic and shit.

So, I like one insect. Or, not an insect. One bug. That will be the last. They are good for my garden, bitches. Don't fuck with that.

Worms!

Ok, here is the part where I be funny. One of my summer goals is to Play More Video Games, and of course anyone who knows anything about grrls who are anti-violence/non-sports video game addicts (all two of us) knows that I am playing The Sims 3. This is a gardening game. Or, actually, it is a whatever you want it to be game. Genius! (Have we gotten to the funny yet? Answer: no. Hold your horses, people.) You can have The Sims 3 (and of course I have ALL the expansions=$1000? But who's counting?) be about gay sex! My sim has ignored seven gay love letters this week alone because she is busy gardening! You can have it be about gardening or cooking or wine (aka "nectar") or raising goddamn mother fucking Horses! Anything! You can swim in the ocean. You can discover a tomb. You can be a werewolf. Whatever. Free form, people. Gaming unleashed, etc. So, right, enough Sims plug. I am obviously growing a lot of organic veggies in The Sims 3 and in reality. Sometimes I don't know which garden I'm in, and I think I need to protect my real garden from hungry werewolves. It's pretty surreal.

I have my sim living on Isla Paradiso, for the excellent gardening climate, but she is a medical researcher because she can't support herself (yet) on organic veggie sales. The problem is that she has to take a boat and then a car to get to work, and it takes her five hours to get to work and home again. Thus, the damn garden dies because she is too exhausted to tend it by the time she gets home. If she quits her job, she can't afford seeds or to feed her dog (who wards off gophers and such). I almost wrote to the developers to say it is unrealistic to have a person take five hours traveling to and from work every day, but then I was like: no. I know people who do that. How fucked up is this? Answer: very.

Ok, here is the part where I get funny. There is a guy--I kid you not--who just went jogging by with a jug of milk in one hand and a slab of beef in the other. As in: he was using these food items as weights for his personal fitness. That cannot count as my being funny because it is a true fact, and the dude was funny, not me. But still.

Which brings us to another topic. Bread. Why is it? That when I buy a loaf of bread, even though I buy the shit that's full of preservatives, it gets hard before the specified date? If they are gonna fill that shit up with preservatives and additives, shouldn't they at least, like, work? Am considering growing my own bread. In the meantime, Ari and I love our garden. Best not step on our soil, bitches. Because we love that garden hard.