1) I think, in actual, human thoughts, "I hope the cleaning lady doesn't know Ari's gender! Perhaps we should work harder on the identifiers. He doesn't have any skirts!"
2) I have a pot rack, with ridiculously-expensive, mother-fucking pots, and I put it up myself, like every other liberal fuckwit who is trying/not trying to take a job from somebody.
3) I have a cheese grater hanging from my pot rack, because I eat a lot of stinky cheese to try to pretend I'm not American and insist, in my liberal fuckwitted-ness, on taking jobs from/liberating cheese graters, too.
4) I used to be dirt poor, so I can say all this and then also say shit about how I walked dogs to buy food, but made the dogs hold it so I could babysit and tutor. (Poor puppies!)
5) I am too. . . I forgot.
6) I have poor-ass, white-trash, Texas roots, but deny them when pressured by Yankees, even though have constant, secret urge to shoot a really big mother-fucking gun. (Shh! Is not very liberally fuckwitted to be into guns, which of course, I am certainly not. Whatsoever gave you that idea?)
7) I hate everyone (see above, re: gun).
8) except my peops. That's right! Reinventing elitism right here, in case it had been endangered!
9) I had to change my shirt, which is from a non-profit, liberally-fuckwitted (but actually really wonderful) organization, the other day because Ari can now sort of read and said, "mommy, what's a sex worker?"
10) I grow own lettuces, and act/sometimes feel like that is meaningful on global level, because own ego is so enormous.
11) I received the above texts from a friend yesterday, and I knew exactly which two "prized ideologies" she meant (polyamory and Marxism--duh!) but had no idea if she meant South Africa, the nation, or the grrl from said nation she's been virtually dating.
11a) Then, I became suddenly worried had missed some international news event in which South Africa was a pain in the ass, and that I'd embarrass self somehow for not knowing. So, naturally, went on frantic news search before even finished reading message.
12) I have a super sleek orange computer with a hot pink disco ball inside, and it sits on top of a kitten coffee table book to keep its vents clear of carpet. Oh, and, just in case that's not pretentious enough: the kitten book is in French!
13) I just had a debate with B, about whom to root for in the World Cup, which included the following sentences:
13a) "not the United States! We're awful!"
13b) "not Italy, because they're jerks."
13c) "Mexico would be good. They're not elitist, and" (condescendingly) "it'd be so good for their economy."
13d) "Ari says we should root for Russia, and we're all Russian, but Putin's been such a dick, lately."
As if, at some time, he has been less of a dick.
14) I use British, sodding, curse words even though have been to London exactly one time for approx 48 hours.
15) I'm working on my novel.
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