I have always been a loyal customer of Sephora, and I would like to discuss their Beauty Insider program. It's not fair! If you give them information, you get to be a Beauty Insider, but then you have to spend a certain amount to become a VIB (Very Important Beauty Insider) and then even more to become a VIB Rouge. The problem is this: their annual Sun Safety Kit, which is in high demand, is now ONLY available to the VIB members.
If you aren't a VIB member, you can't even put it in your cart! I can't afford to spend the amount required to get to the VIB level. It's like Sephora is discriminating again poor people! What should I do?
Signed,
wannaVIB
Dear wannaVIB,
What? A corporation that sells things likes rich people best? Shocking.
Love,
Fake Advice Column
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Dear Fake Advice Column,
Sometimes it seems like you are making fun of us--the people who write to you. You wouldn't do that, would you? Don't you wanna get paid?
Signed,
Confused
Dear Confused,
I am paid not in cash, but in opportunity. I have many opportunities to make fun of you niggling twits. In other words, I would, and I am.
Love,
Fake Advice Column
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Dear Fake Advice Column,
Two years ago, I was vacationing on the beach, and I kept running into this horrible woman. Now I am at the same beach, and it is happening again. For some reason, I run into her, her two young boys, and her oafish husband almost daily. My own son knows better than to engage her kids in play (because crazy), but he often plays with other kids near the woman and her boys, and she is forever interrupting my son's conversations with his playmates. I don't know what the fascination is. My son is six, and he and his playmates are all rather unsophisticated. They talk about poop and light sabers and boogers and who is bigger. Still, the woman interrupts incessantly, saying dumb things. She interrupts my conversations, too. For instance, the mother of the boy my son was playing with yesterday started chatting with me, and I asked her what her son's name was. She said "Mateo." Ms. Interrupts A Lot butted in, asking, "what's his name, again?" And Mateo's mother said, "Mateo." Ms. Interrupts A Lot said, quite seriously, "I thought you said 'Potato.'"
WTF parent names their kid "Potato?"
This is the kind of inane thing she is forever saying when she interrupts, and she also keeps up a constant stream of threats/promises that she is leaving. "Time to leave," she will say to her children. "I'm leaving right now!" Of course, she never leaves, even though it is all she ever talks about with her children. They completely ignore her, and she never stops talking. She then announces to her husband that she would like to go to the bathroom, but she never, ever goes! It is all I can do to stop myself shouting, "Then, go!"
How does one deal with people like this?
Signed,
Hell is other people.
Dear Hell is other people,
Find a new vacation spot.
Love,
Fake Advice Column
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