Kitchen

I am currently sitting on a stool in my kitchen, making Cornish hens and drinking picpoul de pinet, and letting Ari watch this cartoon called "Adventure Time," which I am beginning to suspect is not appropriate viewing. I think it might be a "South Park" type thing because it is on The Cartoon Network, not PBS or Nick, and the animation totally sucks in a way that looks like it means to suck. What do you expect, people? I've been at work all day, and my pipe(s) (unclear whether one or two) burst, and my microwave caught on fire, and my wife and child both have strep, and I cannot hear anything from the damn tv because there is an enormous, mother-fucking fan! I am not a superhero! If my child wants to watch a "South Park" wannabe, and this keeps him quiet while I make dinner, so be it. Maybe he will understand sarcasm and satire before his peers. 

Except, I just changed it. Because some character, whose species I could not identify, began gushing blood. Even lazy, exhausted, victims of pipe and appliance failure have limits.

I do not have strep. This is because I do not have any tonsils. I had strep for two years in Syracuse and then never again. I also have (finally, please, please) reached the point where I don't catch things because I've been exposed to everything. It only took five years of parenting and three of teaching.

The characters on "Max and Ruby," which replaced "Adventure Time," are making conditioner out of organic fruits. This is a much more wholesome activity than gushing blood, don't you think? Also, this happened:

The leak and the fire are unrelated. The leak was about the pipe(s), which burst due to the cold, and it has required us to sleep in the guest room for 2-4 (as yet undetermined) nights. Also, it created some noise pollution because there are big, mother-fucking fans going all day and night to dry the carpet and walls and ceiling. It doesn't smell so good either, and there is probably a flourishing mold colony attacking the immune systems of my loved ones and making them more suseptible to, say, strep.

I love my kitchen because in spite of all this I enjoy the atmosphere. In spite of the carpet and the fan:

and the furniture everywhere:

the kitchen rocks. There are many reasons why, and I shall assist you people in creating your Perfect Kitchen Oasis by telling you some of them. First of all, I put a stool in there because it allows the person who is not cooking to be in the same room with the person who is WITHOUT GETTING IN THE WAY. This reminds me of my grandmother, who had a stool in her kitchen for me to sit in while she peeled shrimp. I was seven and loved to get in the way, but the stool was tall, and I liked my vantage point even more. I would eat the shrimp/crab/insert seafood here faster than she could peel, and she would get pretend mad. It was pretty awesome. 

                         The Stool.

Then! The kitchen has this great window, with a pseudo-stained-glass dreidel in it. I like the catholic Jew meld there, and I love the balcony outside the window. 

Finally, there is the combo art wall/wine refrigerator. Ari made all the art except for my beloved "Mame" poster. Isn't he brilliant? Actually, I am quite certain his teachers made most of it, but whatevs. It's cute stuff! The wine refrigerator allows me to keep my New Year's resolution (never run out of bubbly) without impeding the family's food storage. Also, better control of temp. The food fridge freezes shit in back, and there is nothing worse than having your fave cava or prosecco, which you for once in your life thought to chill ahead of time, frozen. Who's with me?

The end.