Bizarro Chores

Sometimes, in the midst of my whacked out life, I realize I'm not normal. I don't know what normal is, but I'm fairly certain that it involves chores like:

-walk the dog

-buy milk

-iron shirt

-pick up car from repair shop.

My chores are:

1). . . 

(We have no dog--thank Jesus.)

2) go to Safeway approximately 2x a day for the remainder of life to get things no one realized we needed, but now must urgently have. And they are nothing so bland as milk! They are: limes and cupcake papers and Spider-man toothpaste which cannot ever be any other kind of toothpaste because if, perchance, a mistake is made in the area of toothpaste, Armageddon shall occur. Nothing about the Safeway trips is simple. Everything requires a consult, as below.

 

3) I don't iron. Who has time?

4) Tell B about estimate for car repairs so she can call and talk them down. (I am not allowed to do anything before she has a chance to talk them down.)

5) Put ping pong table up against garage wall, because it is always out, not against the wall, due to my ping pong/bubbly combo habit, and it is either -2 or 105 sodding degrees out, and we would be fools to park in the driveway.

6) Order new bench cushion because the old one got yucked by filthy water from a burst pipe, and then we washed the cover, but it shrank even though we hung it to dry. Of course, the bench cushion cover arrived and looks NOTHING like the picture, so now the bench clashes horribly WITH ITS OWN CUSHION. Truly, I have never seen anything so wrong.

This all is boring. Let me tell you something more interesting. Tonight, we attempted to organize the Legos. B tends to call Legos "Lego" in the collective singular, which for some reason I find hot.

"Let's discuss the Lego," she will say, since it is the bane of our existence, and we forever seek a solution.

"Oh? Only the one?" I will say, with a flirty grin.

Before you know it, we are off to the races, having quite the date night.